Mr. Osborne to Star in Hammond Theatre’s “Macbeth the Musical”


Mr. Osborne with The Weird Sisters.

By Editor-In-Chef King Katzakoff with his servant Kevin Bacon

Mr. Jedidiah Scott Osborne, noble Hammond English teacher and Journalism advisor, will be playing the role of Macbeth in next year’s production of Macbeth: the Musical by Hammond Theatre.

When commenting on his reasons for accepting the role, Osborne said “I don’t want to just be thought of as a pretty face. Macbeth: the Musical is a step in the right direction for my ascension to the Broadway stage, where my beard can finally be respected for the masterpiece it truly is.”

The decision came after Ms. Lauren Tobiason, the director of Hammond Theatre, was agonizing over the variety of productions to choose for Hammond students. “I thought, ‘Our students are so talented, but what about our teachers?’ I really do believe that all of Hammond deserves its chance in the spotlight. For example, I can balance three eggs on my head for a minute and a half.”

Tobiason added that Seussical’s success inspired her. “I think the success of Seussical showed that It’s Possible for our musicals to be successful. I’m Havin’ a Hunch Macbeth: the Musical will work out well. Hopefully I’m not Alone in the Universe thinking that.”

By day, Mr. Osborne is a fantastic English teacher. His teaching is as informal and educational as his beard is magnificent and well-groomed. Osborne’s students all worship the elaborate prose of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, meaning that Mr. Osborne knows every line forwards, backwards and probably in Spanish.

As a result of this, it should come as no surprise to the Hammond community that he is expanding his superb knowledge of the play to a passion he’s always had: theatre.

“I actually was in my high school play my freshman year, I did a great job in my role as Village Person #3.”

Some students, such as sophomore and journalism extraordinaire Kevin Baker, object to Osborne’s appearance in a student theatrical production. Baker told The Bear Press, “I just don’t think it’s fair that a teacher can supersede all of the talented students we have at Hammond.” In reply, Osborne simply stated “Fair is foul, and foul is fair.”

Sophomore Rhea Bradley, a member of Hammond Theatre, described the new production as “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

She also wished Osborne luck on his role, saying “I hope he doesn’t stab this role in back.”

Another theatre student, sophomore Jack Buzard bemoaned the news. “Great, now we’ll take even longer to grade essays.”

At first, Osborne was hesitant to take the role. But he was encouraged by his fiancée, math teacher Ms. Stevens. She told him “Screw your courage to the sticking-place, and we’ll not fail.”

To better prepare for his role, Osborne also learned the fundamentals of dance from Ms. Kuhl and song from Ms. Freel.  Mr. Dunlap was scheduled to teach him the basic operations of a band, but he was too busy BASE jumping.

Ultimately to win Baker over, Tobiason cast him in the role of Duncan. “People always said that I could be President someday, so I think embodying an innocent king is a good first step.” When asked to comment, sophomore Grace Cheney just said, “Ew,” then walked away.

Senior Jordan Katz, otherwise known as Osborne’s aide, will be reprising his role as the Drunken Porter.  “My whole high school career has been leading up to this moment. The Porter is really a Master of Puns, so I think I’m really prepared.” When asked to comment, Cheney again said, “Ew,” then walked away.

Further parts will be cast in an audition on April 8, which just happens to be the release date of The Pressed Bear. Sophomore Grace Cheney, who has expressed great enthusiasm for the production, will be reviewing it when Hammond Theatre holds the production next February 29th, 2016.

For more info on the musical, click here.


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